Community and Health - Again

As a follow up to a post from a few months ago, I've been to a few specialists in order to figure out what's going on with my health. Right now there's a good bit of evidence pointing to an auto-immune issue. I'm waiting on another test result, and then in two weeks I'm due to see a rheumatologist.

I'm hopeful that I'm finally coming up on the end of a lot of wondering, and that I'll finally be able to begin some sort of treatment that will allow me to feel better. Being sick has, unsurprisingly, affected a lot of areas of my life - and that includes spiritually, which has been hard.

I still make the time to keep up with my minimum commitments, tending to Aphrodite's shrine one a week, and the other shrines once a lunar month (at least). It is very important to me that I keep up with the work I am doing with Aphrodite, and it's important to me to maintain some connection to my other deities, as well. However, there are other projects and goals which have fallen to the side for now.

The other issue has been with finding spiritual community. I mentioned before there is a pagan group here as part of a UU church, but since I would have to walk to the church I'm going to wait for my health to get a little better (or at least for warmer weather) before looking into that.

So for the moment I'm left with online fellowship. There are still a lot of days I miss my old forum hangout. It hit me the other day that it's been almost two years since the issues with ownership/activity on that forum began. It's been hard to lose that place, because even though we often believed in different things, and practiced in different ways, it felt like we were often all on the same page. Oh well, guess there's no use dwelling, huh?

Beyond all that, I also want to mention that I have not forgotten the 30 days of deity devotion, it's just been hard to get the thoughts together in my mind with all that's going on. I do plan on getting back to it this month, hopefully on Sunday or early next week, although I do think I'm going to have to say some of the days out of order, and save some of the longer topics for now.

Community, take two, and health.

As somewhat of a continuation of my last pagan community post, I'm starting to wonder if part of the issue isn't just plain old burn out on my part. I've spent a good amount of time over the last several years on various forums and the like, writing articles, answering questions, and all that sort of thing... and don't get me wrong, it's not all self-sacrifice or anything, I have certainly benefited from the community and I generally enjoy helping people, but it's all something that takes up quite a bit of time and energy.

So maybe it's time to take a break, stick around the more casual spots, and start having some more 'alone' time for a while. Re-charge a bit.

Of course, while part is likely burn-out in this specific area, a lot of it is probably just fatigue in general. I don't usually like to write about health issues and other things like that here, but maybe it's worth making a note of. I've had serious fatigue issues on and off for a few years now, but lately it's become severe enough that I've needed to start seeing a doctor. I'm actually scheduled for a sleep study next month. I'm very hopeful that they'll be able to figure out what's going on, and start fixing the problem. It's definitely been an impact on my life, and of course that includes my spiritual life.

But back to community, I was also considering looking into the local pagan community after a bit of me-time, which is something I haven't done since moving back to New Hampshire. I don't have much interest in practicing in a group, but there are some more community based groups, I guess you could call them? They don't seem to focus so much on group practice, but more on community and that sort of thing, which does appeal to me. It's been a long time since I actually had pagans that I could interact with offline, so it might be fun to explore that a bit. 

Pagan Communities

I'm a solitary by choice, as I vastly prefer to practice on my own, but I do enjoy discussion and debate with other pagans online. Online discussion communities have been a real support for me since almost the beginning of my practice, well over ten years ago now.

I've seen a lot of communities come and go. Some I drifted away from before they fell apart, but others fell apart right before my eyes. I've seen this a few times because of admins on power trips, but most recently because an admin didn't have enough time for their forum duties (which includes approving new members), but also refused to work out something where others could help out. A few of us still hang around and chat a bit, but most of the community has left. It's unfortunate, as it was a really good group of people, and a nice mix of different beliefs and views. It's hard to lose a community you really cared for.

The last few months I've been exploring other communities. I haven't found any which I seem to fit in very well... One I'm a long time member of, but the conversation tends to focus more on 'mundane' things, which isn't bad in itself, but not usually what I'm looking for. Another is very love and light and nothing else ever allowed,which doesn't really work for me... the idea that using animal parts*, a drop of your own blood, working with spirits, or whatever else makes you the "wrong sort?" I dunno, I guess that's sort of why I've tended to avoid a lot of the more "neo-Wiccan" sorts of communities. On the other hand, some communities take it the other way, where only the strictest forms of reconstructionism are seen as "right." Heaven forbid you're a soft polytheist, because that's Wiccan nonsense... despite the fact that this view of deity has existed for thousands of years now.

(*This might become a separate post at some point, but this seems like such a hypocritical attitude unless the person is a strict vegan. Why's it alright for you to eat meat and wear leather, but I'm "too dark" and misguided for using a rabbit fur from a familiar source in ritual?)

It's not that I mind being in a community with people who have very different views than I have, but it's a bit tiring to always see your beliefs painted as wrong, bad, misguided, or whatever else.

I don't know. I'll probably stick around some of the communities I've joined, but I'm still on the search for some better fits.

On a similar note, I've noticed that almost all of the pagan blogs I follow are no longer being updated, some for a few years now. I guess it's also time to start looking for some new blogs to follow.