Oh, America...

I don't usually get into politics here, but you know what... I just feel so disappointed in my country right now.

I'm queer. My partner is trans. We, along with many others in the community are quite worried about what Trump/Pence will be bringing. This morning my own mother tried to tell my sister (not her daughter), who is a lesbian, and myself that Hillary would have been worse for us. What? Worse than a guy who outright says he wants to roll back marriage equity, who wants to do away with protections that are in place... And, you know, a guy who, from all the people he could have picked, picked Pence. The guy who wanted to defund HIV programs and use that money for conversion therapy. (And that's just one of many nasty things on his record.)

This morning I had a little moment of panic, maybe we should get married right now! But then I remembered, if it goes back to the states to decide, we don't live in a shit state (at least in that sense). My heart goes out to all the people that do, however.

NH isn't doing great in other ways, however, and I am likely to lose my healthcare. I am thankful that I got the surgery I needed before it became an emergency that would put me deep into debt. I don't know what I will do about the medicines I need.

If I can go back to my mother for a moment, I saw her earlier saying strong women don't get sexually assaulted - this was to excuse some of the things Trump has said, and did. For obvious reasons, she does not know about the fact that I have been sexually assaulted.

And of course it's not just these things. There are many, many communities out there right now who are very nervous about what the future will bring. I can't blame them at all. Everyone says it will be fine, he won't really do X or Y, but as of right now we have no idea what he will or won't do. Maybe he will be an amazing President, wouldn't that be something? But we can't know right now, we can only know what he has said he wants to do. If you're reading this, and you care at all, please stand up for these communities, fight for them. Fight for yourself. Don't let these things happen without a fight.

Everything that is going on right now is making me sick to my stomach. I'm going to spend a long, long time outside looking at the moon and praying to Selene tonight, because I really need her peace right now.

(And I'm pretty sure this whole thing just caused my relationship with my mom to crash and burn. She wouldn't let up on Facebook, so bye. We were never super close, she didn't raise me, and we've lived in different states for the past decade. I'm not as torn up about it as I imagine I should be. I mean I love my mom, because she's my mom, but I'm an adult with my own boundaries, and she's crossed them over and over today. I do not need that in my life.)

I'm not and have never been a Christian. Also I made a sworn enemy and didn't even know it.

Oh gosh, while all that other stuff was going down someone said sent me a message - now on Facebook if you're not friends with someone, their message gets sent to the requests folder. Which apparently also has a filtered section as well(?). I did not know this. I had three messages in it, two of which I felt bad about missing for so long, one of which has provided some amazing entertainment after a somewhat stressful night.

So a month or two ago I had to ban someone from a group I admin for. I banned for them bashing Christianity and bashing a few other groups within paganism. Then personally insulting me when I said, hey, admin here, could you not? Which, all that, against our clearly stated rules. Anyway. So they also sent me a message after that. Most of it was just self-righteous babbling. With the lovely ending where they tell me to admit I'm an idiot or "you've otherwise just made an enemy you don't want who's remarkably popular and who doesn't take kindly to shite like this."

Oh. My. God. If you have to say something like that then, you know... mayyyybe not as cool as you think? (I was 'warned' that admins meet some real interesting people, heh, guess that was not a lie.)

But there was something in the message that made me pause. She said because I was defending Christians, I must be one. I've heard this before from other pagans. Some of which have also said I'm clearly carrying around baggage from my Christian upbringing.

Here's the thing. I was not raised Christian. I have NEVER truly been Christian. My grandmother is Shinto/Buddhist/sort-of-atheist, my grandfather is a theist who introduced me to many religions, and supported me in studying paganism. The closest I came to Christianity was a single year of a Christian kindergarten, because it was the only place that wasn't super far away from the house. You know what I remember from that year? A teacher telling me not to say something was wicked awesome, because wicked is bad. (I live in New Hampshire, things are wicked here. That's the law.) I have not been a Christian, I am not a Christian nor am I a Christo-pagan. I just don't like when people make broad, ignorant, sweeping statements about the followers an entire religion. Debate about Christian beliefs would be fine, I have engaged in it myself, and there are many aspects of Christianity I disagree with... but that doesn't mean I'm into insulting the whole lot of it, and those who believe in it. If you can't make a point without resorting to personal insults, your point must not be very strong.

Meanwhile both this person, and the others who have said this to me... were raised Christian or have ties to Christianity. Kinda ironic, huh? Kinda good to examine your own baggage before guessing about another person's.

Oh boy...

You know what I didn't miss in my break away from the pagan community? People who tried to pass their personal opinions off as historical facts.

For example, someone flat out claiming "(Hekate) is not the goddess of magic." Ummm, okay... Because, I mean, she certainly was, and is. She is a goddess of witchcraft and magic, that's like, one of her major functions. There are bunches of primary sources from antiquity which show her in this light. Since there's some confusion about what that means, a primary source is information that comes directly from ancient Greece. Not archeologist speculation, or someone writing about their thoughts on her in the modern day. It's stuff that comes directly from the ancient Greeks themselves.

Of course that doesn't matter. Because. "Who's says the research you are studying is even the right research????… Who says the Greek were even right???" (Direct quotes folks, because the more question marks the better!)

Yes. Who is to say the ancient Greeks were even right. Those silly ancient Greeks who worshiped her for centuries, who erected countless shrines to her, who (in Athens anyway) celebrated her supper on the last night of every lunar month. What do those crazy people even know? After all, what are a few measly centuries compared to, you know, the few years you've put in...

But hey, it's just her opinion, right? Look, I'm all about the continuing growth of deities, their mythologies, and having personal relationships and understandings with these deities... but when you flat out state a fact like that? That's not an opinion anymore. You can say, hey, you know, I never really connected with that aspect of Hekate, it doesn't fit into my practice, and that would be fine. But to act like it doesn't exist at all? Nope, sorry, that's not how it works. That's no longer an opinion, not a belief, and it is factually wrong. It is not insulting a belief to point out an incorrect fact, because it's not a belief.

To end of this little rant, let me tell you about a book my partner and I have been listening to in the car. It's about aliens coming to take over the earth (and kill all people in the process, it seems), and a group of people who want the aliens to come do this. My partner's kinda caught up on that, why would anyone want aliens to destroy all people? Me. I do. Fling us all into the sun. Go for it. We probably deserve it.
(Okay, okay, not really, I don't really want aliens to fling us all into the sun. Even if sometimes the Internet makes me reconsider.)

((Edit: I also love backpedaling. Now it's just, well, Hekate wasn't only goddess of magic! Of course she wasn't. Also there are about a thousand better ways to say that. And you know, when it's clear someone has misunderstood your (super unclear) statement, the awesome thing to do is... you know... clarify. Not throw a fit and start ranting about sources and ancient Greeks and whatnot.))

Groups are made up of individuals!

This morning I was reading an anthology of works from pagan authors, and one author was ranting on about how feminists say this one thing, but then feminists also say this totally contradictory thing!

Wow. It's almost as if feminism is made up of tons of individuals who may not always agree on everything. (Assuming these are actual feminists, because all too often I see "feminist" used to mean "someone I don't like," which is a shame.)

Look, I'm going to be harsh here. I honestly do not understand how anyone can make it out of high school without learning the very simple lesson that a group of people is not necessarily a hive mind. That individuals in a group might disagree at times, and hold different opinions. That all groups have their bad apples. I feel like this is something very obvious that is very apparently early on in life, and yet so many people don't seem to have a grasp on this. They're very happy to dismiss an entire group of people because they might see two different individuals of a group expressing two different opinions on a topic. It can be pretty frustrating at times. Do they not ever see disagreement within their own groups? Do they just ignore it? Do they think it's different because they see the details, know the people as individuals? Do they take on all opinions of their group, no matter how contradictory? I just don't understand.

That thing that happened with Fox 2

So, here's a follow up to Monday's post. There was an apology given through Twitter.

@TuckerCarlson - To Wiccans and pagans: Sorry for my pointlessly nasty remarks. Your holidays still confuse me, but you seem like nice people.

I'm not very familiar with Twitter, so I'm not sure if there's a way I can link right to it, but as of now it's one of the more recent things he's said. Now, frankly, I'm not too sure how sincere this apology is. Also, I find it disappointing that he couldn't really be bothered to do a bit of research even after the fact. Not terribly surprising, though.

However, the real reason I'm posting this is I'm much more disappointed with the way some pagans are reacting. We should be using this as an opportunity to show our best, an opportunity for education. If not for the people directly involved, then for the people on the side-lines, the ones who might be silently watching this whole thing unfold.

Some pagans are coming from a place of misinformation. This is not malicious, and it can be hard to blame them when, for example, many prominent pagan authors are happy to put forward some truly terrible history. So, to speak briefly on some of those things... The world was not awesomely perfect before the Christians came along. I've seen many accusations of Christians just stealing pagan holidays, which ignores how indirect such things were in many cases. It also ignores the fact that both ancient and modern pagans are just as guilty of such things. The Wheel itself, the thing that started all this, is a mash-up of Celtic and Germanic festivals and ideas. Many Wiccans have taken a few elements from these old holidays, and put new mythology and such to them. Does that sound familiar at all?

Ancient pagans borrowed holidays, customs, symbols, ideas, holy sites, and even Deities from all sorts of sources, all the time. (Modern pagans do this too, of course.) Additionally, we often think of Christianity spreading through violent means, and ancient pagans never did that! Except for when they did. Look at the history of Europe before Christianity got there. Groups conquered new lands, bringing their religion with them, covering up the old ones. As an example, the ancient Romans were very keen on destroying the druids - not solely for religious reasons (but then, Christians didn't always do such things solely for religious reasons, either), but it did result in a tremendous loss of religious knowledge. Let's not even get into all the horrible things ancient pagans did to the early Christians, either.

All this is not an excuse to ignore modern issues that come up - but it is a good reason to leave the past in the past.

Like I said though, that's mostly just due to misinformation. That is easily correctable. Of course, some seem to get mad when the correct information is brought in, it interrupts their happy Christian bashing, I guess. Isn't that the sort of thing we're mad about, though? Willfully focusing on bad information, refusing to be educated on particular topics?

Some pagans, however, are coming from a place that seems just as bigoted as where those particular people were coming from. Sometimes this comes from years of struggling with spirituality and the like, and I do try to be understanding of that, but it is still disheartening to see. This sort of thing does not help paganism, and it doesn't help the person doing it.

Yes, what was said is frustrating, yes, what was said was bigoted. It's okay to point these things out. It's even okay to rant a bit, so long as the rant stayed focused on what was actually said. It's not okay to make sweeping judgements. It's not okay to willfully spread misinformation. Let's use this as an opportunity to spread correct facts, to share knowledge, and to show people that pagans are just regular people - not some weird oddity, not some stereotype. That we're trying to lift ourselves up, not push others down.

That thing that happened with Fox.

This has been a popular topic for discussion on some pagan blogs and forums today, so you might already be familiar with this story, but a quick recap for those who aren't...

The University of Missouri has added the eight holidays of the Wheel of the Year to their guide on religions. It is suggested that faculty use the guide to plan classes around - classes are still scheduled for these days, but it is advised to think about planning exams on non-holidays, and other such thing. The guide is also just for informational use by students, as well.  It talks a bit about dietary restrictions, things to expect, what the holiday is about, and similar information. Christian, Muslim, and Jewish holidays are all represented on the calendar, as well as some other religions including Shinto and Buddhism. Here's a short article that gives a little more information.

That's all well and good, right? Well, sure, until some of the fine folks at Fox News decided to give their commentary on the matter. (The article on their website is much less inflammatory, much more informative.) It seems they've removed the video from their site, but if you want to see what was said, it's still being hosted on a few sites, including this copy on Youtube.

Alright, so, let's look at some of the issues here. Right off the bat, there are more Zoroastrians here than Wiccans? I'd love to see a source for that, because briefly looking at some numbers for the US shows otherwise. That number shoots up when looking at paganism as a whole.

"Wiccanism." Enough said.

Then we're told that we (pagans and Wiccans) should be mad, we're being used to oppress Christianity. We're being used to downgrade what's important to a majority of Americans. Okay, so let's recap... Eight holidays are added to a list, nothing is removed, nothing is taken away from anyone, but we are downgrading something important. Somehow. According to her, we are ruining the very thing that allows us to enjoy religious freedom. We are ruining religious freedom by acknowledging that other religions exist, that some people follow these other religions, and that said religions have holidays.

At the end, her exact quote is this "...look, tradition in this country is what allows people to be pagans and Wiccans, and to enjoy their lives freely. Good luck doing that in any other country." Really, is she seriously saying no other country enjoys religious freedom? Does she not know where Wicca originated? (I doubt she does.) I honestly do not understand how someone can hold beliefs that are so immensely delusional. I really just don't.

Then the guy goes on to say Wiccans get twenty holidays. I think he's probably just mixing up the 20% figure quoted earlier. (Which, incidentally, is actually higher than the correct number by a little bit - close enough, right?) It's possible he's counting the full moons in with the eight solar holidays, too. Either way, again, only eight holidays were added to this list. Not twenty.

Of course, this gets into "how many Wiccans can name every Wiccan holiday, or 50% of Wiccan holidays?" Dude. There's only eight of them. It doesn't take a genius to remember eight holidays, just a little bit of effort. We're talking about eight holidays spread evenly through the year - plus, maybe honoring the moon cycles. It's like asking someone how they remember the names of the months or what month it is. It's really just silly. (Frankly I'd love to show them some of the other pagan calendars out there - Greek and Egyptian recons often have quite a long list of dates to remember!)

There's also the bit where they're confused about Halloween, and is it Wiccan or pagan? Totally unaware that, you know, Samhain is not equivalent to secular Halloween. It's like someone saying Christmas is all about trees, lights, and Santa - it sure is to some, but you just know these folks are very likely the type of people who go on about "the reason for the season!" and all that. This idea should not be foreign to them, and yet...

Then there's that lovely ending, stereotyping all Wiccans. What needs to be said about that? Anyone who has even done the slightest bit of earnest research knows they're wrong. So, either they've done no real research into the topic before deciding to do a news piece on it, or they're being willfully ignorant. There's just no other excuse, no other explanation.

I don't know. Honestly, having seen a fair bit of Fox News thanks to relatives, it's just... Well, it's Fox News. They pander to people with bigoted opinions all the time, while failing to do even the most basic fact checking or research on the matter. It's a problem, yes, but at this point it's not a surprise. 

Now I also want to talk about the backlash a bit. It's understandable that this is making some people angry, it really is. However, taking it totally in the other direction and stereotyping and insulting all Christians is just as stupid as what was done here. So could we not do that? That said, there is a petition over on change.org calling for an apology. If you want to sign it, do so. (Personally, I'm not sure it will do much good. You're not going to get an honest apology, and it's not going to fix the problems over at Fox.) If you want to speak out, do so.

Please, though, really think about what you're saying first. Do not use this as an excuse to jump on the "all Christians suck!" train that's rolling around. Some Christians are willfully ignorant bigots - but you know what? So are some pagans. Bigotry, failure to fact-check (especially when delivering 'news'), cognitive dissonance, stereotyping - these are the real problems with what was said, let's do our best not to add to them.

Opinions vs. Facts

Alright, here's something that's been popping up a lot over the last week or so, and it's really starting to bother me...

"I don't like onions, they taste awful." That? That's an opinion. Some people will have conflicting opinions on the subject, after all some people actually like the taste of onions, and that's fine. People might debate a bit on the merits of onions, various cooking methods, varieties, and so on, but at the end of the day...? It's all just personal opinion. Not much can be done about it - although it could possibly change over time on it's own. (I hated yellow mustard as a kid, and in the last year I've fallen in love with it.)

"All species of bear eat bamboo in their natural habitat." That? That is not an opinion. It's a fact. Facts, as we know, can be wrong - this one is, of course, wrong.

Now sometimes the line isn't always clear. One might have an opinion based on the facts available to them. If those facts are wrong? Well, we can see what that might do to their opinion. Pointing out this issue should not really be seen as an attack on the individual, yet that's often how it's taken.

Now that, I just... I don't get it. If I had based an opinion or belief on something incorrect, I'd want to know! It's happened before. I'm sure it will happen again. I'm not perfect, I've believed incorrect information, and I have held beliefs that just plain old did not make sense. When that was brought to my attention? I considered the new evidence, or what was being said to me, and if appropriate I changed my opinion to reflect the new information or ideas.

Evaluation of personal opinions and beliefs is not a bad thing. If you never examine your personal beliefs, how are you ever going to grow, or develop a deeper awareness of them? Of course, this is now starting to get into an issue I wrote about many months back. It's okay to think someone's beliefs are wrong, and it's okay to debate beliefs.

It's not a matter of discussing a particular individual's belief, and after discussion they still believe in it - that's fine! You can look at a belief, question it, examine it, get other opinions on it... and still have that same belief after all is said and done. That's a good way to form strong, well thought out beliefs.

The problem is when people seem to want to stick their opinions and beliefs up on these untouchable pedestals. They want to share them with the world, but when someone disagrees? No, no, you can't do that. That's not nice. Of course, the same people seem to take no issue with giving out their opposing views. They're just giving their opinion. If you want to disagree with, or discuss that opinion? Nope, can't do that - that belief is way up on that sacred pedestal.

If you only want to hear the people that agree with you, what's the point?

Self Awareness

This is a bit of a rant, but...

I really love when a person often harps on others for not having enough self awareness, when they very clearly have none themselves. Look. If you constantly find yourself having the same problems with dozens of different people, different groups of people, over quite a bit of time... at some point you just have to realize, hey, maybe it's not everyone else, maybe the issue really is with me.

If you can't do that, if you can't actually take a look at the only common factor, and instead continue to push everything all back onto everyone else... well, you probably shouldn't get on others about having awareness and being responsible and all that.

It is one thing to look with a critical eye, to be blunt and clear with others - it is another thing to be hypercritical and needlessly hostile. These things should not be confused with each other.

Likewise, let's not sit around whining about how others are doing this or that, how they're ruining the community, or being selfish with their choices... but how when we do it, well, that's just different.

Of course, sitting down to write this gets me wondering about myself. Many of us can name some of our faults (even if we don't always work to correct them, we usually know them) - but then, we all have our blind spots as well, so what am I missing about myself?

Whatever those things may be, I hope it doesn't look like I'm purposely flaunting my hypocrisy around, because boy, is that ever an ugly look...

It's okay to think someone's beliefs are wrong.

This may seem like an odd choice in topic, but lately I've noticed a number of people who seem to feel that if you do not agree with a particular belief, that you think it is wrong, well then you're a bad bad mean person. Alternatively, if you do believe in something, and act sure of it... same result. Either way, you're "acting like a Christian!" Really? Is this our worst insult?

Here's a pro-tip - if you disagree with Christianity on something like hell, or if you believe in a Deity that others (such as some Christians) may reject? Congratulations. You have beliefs that you're sure of, and there are beliefs that you disagree with. And you know what? That's okay. Really. Honestly. You're just like the vast majority of humans.

You know what else is okay (and truly, where the real issue seems to lie)? It's okay to debate beliefs. Yep. Debate is not inherently bad. Debate can bring about better understanding of your own beliefs, and why you hold them - and debate can bring about a better understanding of beliefs that others may have, and why they have them. Certainly we can deeply examine beliefs on our own, without debate, but debate and discussion with others can bring about aspects and ideas we would not come up with on our own. Debate can help us find the holes in our ideas. It's good to have some beliefs that can stand up to a bit of fire, because those beliefs won't crumble away at the slightest shake, they can support us, and grow with us as we learn more.

Now, there's a limit here, sure. Sometimes debating with particular people becomes more energy than it's worth. Maybe they don't really listen to what you say. Maybe they're downright insulting while you feel you're being respectful. Or maybe you find yourself going in circles with a person. Sometimes you have to know when to step away. When the benefits become minimal. It's also nice to keep in mind that there doesn't necessarily have to be a 'winner' and a 'loser.' Both sides are examined, and you may just agree to disagree, no harm done. However, there's no reason to shun debate and avoid it at all costs. Debating something doesn't make someone rude. The people involved aren't necessarily arguing just because they're mean or close-minded. Some debate can be quite healthy for you and your path. It's not a bad thing.