While I'm not ready to get into the reason why just yet, I've recently found myself planning a shrine for Aphrodite. While thinking through the details of the shrine last night it hit me that in a sense I've somewhat come full circle on my path, as Aphrodite was the first deity I remember ever setting up an altar for and trying to establish a relationship with.
Now nothing really came from that attempt, which makes sense when I look back on it. My reasons were quite selfish and misguided at the time - but hey, I was only in the 6th grade, pretty much brand new to paganism, I still had a lot to learn in a lot of ways!
Still, I find it interesting that some fifteen years later I'm turning back to the first deity I ever felt anything for. I'm back at this starting point, but this time I've learned and experienced so much, and I think if I hadn't gone out there and really explored so much for all those years, I wouldn't have what was necessary to really be able to be successful with my current path.
I had to get out there and see that there were other traditions besides Wicca, I had to explore the religions I did, honor the gods I did, build those relationships, fall into reconstruction and see what was good about it, and the benefits of learning the history, but also at the same time to have some of the more negative experiences I had, to know what I did not like, what did not work for me, to have those experiences with other people, with tradition leaders, to meet good and not-so-good people. Even on a more day-to-day basis, to build relationships with family, to know myself and my own body more, heck, even to fall in love, live across the country, travel...
So coming back to this starting point, it's like another turn of the wheel, and I'm very excited to see what the coming years will bring.